Feminine Wiles
by VGWrighte
Summary: 7th in The Adventures of Nerdy Carter and First Sergeant O'Neill. "How do you get a man to want to leave a bar? . . .We coax him out, with the help of a beautiful woman." Stands alone.


Feminine Wiles

The Adventures of Nerdy Carter and First Sergeant O'Neill: Episode VII

Based upon Stargate: SG-1

- . - - - . -

"Well, I have an idea, but two of us aren't going to like it."

Jack noticed Major Jackson was looking at him in particular. "Why, Sir, do I feel like the two are Sam and me?"

"Because it is you two."

Jack groaned.

"Just hear me out," the Major said. "We need to get into that tavern without causing suspicion and - more importantly - get Netan and bring him out here. So, we need to get him out without causing a scene. The easiest way to do that is to make him want to leave. What would make you want to leave a bar?" he asked Jack.

Jack shook his head. "I don't know . . . It was on fire?"

The Major smiled. "That's a good idea, I'd prefer to avoid arson if we can."

Jack shook his head again. "I don't know, how?"

"We coax him out, with the help of a beautiful woman," he smiled deviously at Sam.

She slumped. "You've got to be kidding me."

Shaking his head slowly, he continued to smile deviously at Sam.

"Give me the alcohol from the med kit," Jack said.

"What, why?" the Major asked.

"I'm making a Molotov Cocktail."

The Major through his hands up. "Wait wait wait. This is a good idea."

"No, it's a terrible idea!"

"Why?"

"She's my wife!"

"I know that, and you know that, and she knows that, but HE doesn't know that."

"It's not safe!"

"It's plenty safe," the Major said with a wide hand gesture. "You'll be in the tavern before she gets there, you can follow her out. We'll have Teal'c trailing them from the street, and I'll wait in the cargo ship, so I'll be there before they get there."

"What if something goes wrong?" Jack asked.

"You can stop it at any time. Teal'c'll take care of her on the outside. If we have to abort, we'll light the place on fire."

Jack fumed for a moment then looked at his wife.

Her eyes were still wide with disbelief. She started to stutter. "I can't do this."

"Yes, you can, Carter," Major Jackson insisted. "All you have to do is act."

"And there's a reason I'm a scientist and not an actress," she argued. "And I'm not good at talking to people!"

"Sure you are," the Major said, "You talk to people all the time."

"Yeah, we're either talking about science-y stuff, or I've known them for forever! You can't expect me to walk into an alien bar and try to seduce an alien!"

"You know, when she puts it like that, it sounds like a terrible plan again," Jack said.

"It is a terrible plan!" Sam repeated.

Major Jackson took a step back and motioned Jack to come with him. They turned away from Teal'c and Sam. "I need you to convince her to do it," he said in a quiet tone.

"Why me? I don't like this idea."

"Because you're her husband and you can spur her inner confidence."

"That's not fair."

The Major shook his head. "No, it's not fair. If Janet were here, I'd ask her to do it. But Carter's who we've got. Do you think she can do it?"

Jack thought of his wife. She could definitely be both confident and sexy; at the same time, even. He exhaled loudly. "Yes, she can do it."

"Alright," he turned back to Teal'c and Sam. "I'm going to head back to the cargo ship, Teal'c you find a good spot on the street where you can follow Carter once she comes out with Netan."

"Wait, wait, I never agreed to this!" Sam interrupted.

"You'll do great, Carter," Major Jackson insisted before turning away and heading towards their borrowed cargo ship. Teal'c also stepped away, surveying the street, leaving Sam and Jack in their alley.

"I can't do this," she insisted.

"Yes, you can," Jack said. "Just pretend it's me."

"_Pretend it's you_? That's your advice?"

He looked both ways, seeing no one around, he pushed her up against the wall, pressing his body close to hers. He gently messaged her lower back with one hand. Words of protest died on her lips when he gently sucked on her exposed collar bone. The leather outfit she was wearing really was sexy.

He leaned back at the waist and looked at her. She was a little bewildered but there was a lusty haze in her eyes. It took her a second to snap out of her confusion. "I can't do this."

"There's no reason you can't." He smirked. "You're sexy at home all the time."

"Like when?"

"_Like when_?" He repeated. "Like when I'm brushing my teeth and you come in and stand right next to me, brushing your hip against mine, or when you reach past me and stretch just right." His hand were still on her hips. "You don't have to act, just be you."

She ran her fingers through his hair and dropped her gaze. "You really think I'm sexy, to everyone?"

He rested his forehead against hers. "Oh, yeah," he whispered.

She looked up with a sultry smile, "Alright, let's do it."

Jack smiled. He quick looked both ways, to ensure no one was looking. He quick kissed her lips and reached for her shirt. She was wearing this leather thing with sleeves that just covered her shoulder, but had thick straps that crisscrossed down her arms down to her elbows. It had ties in the back and a zipper in the front. He grabbed the zipper and yanked it down.

"Jack!" she shrieked.

Before she could really respond other than her shriek, he had zipped her back up, having pushed up her breasts so they were almost spilling out the top of her shirt. He reached behind her and pulled the ties out of her hair, and unbraided it. He tussled it up.

"Jack," she repeated.

"If you're going to seduce someone, you have to at least pretend to look the part."

"You mean like a slut . . ."

"I thought you should go for the Siren look."

She swallowed hard.

He squeezed her hip and smirked.

She forced a smile which looked surprisingly wicked. "Let's go get some smuggler scum."

She slipped past him towards the tavern and he groaned, reaching after her.

- . -

Jack sat at the corner of the bar, where he could see most of the room, including the door and the table where Netan was playing cards. Sam was waiting outside with Teal'c. They didn't want to come in too close together, as to not arouse suspicion. He had a tankard in front of him, but he wasn't drinking from it.

The door opened, allowing extra light into the characteristically dank room. He had to lift his tankard to hide the smile that covered his face. His wife was so sexy. By the time she actually sauntered into the tavern, he was able to regain his composure and put his tankard down.

It was like watching someone who looked exactly like his wife.

She made a show of sauntering through the room. She made her way around, from table to table, actively surveying the room and, more importantly and obviously, the _men_ in the room. And they sure noticed her. Netan's entire table, including Netan himself, looked up from their cards and watched her move about the room. He had to smirk as she slid her fingertips across the shoulders of a few men.

Not quite directly across from the table from Netan, she rested her forearm on the shoulder of one of the men - the youngest at the table - and leaned into him.

Okay . . . Now he was getting a little jealous.

The man she was leaning on looked up at her. He looked nervous. Jack was sure she was the prettiest woman who had ever given him any attention; woman, not girl.

The oldest man at the table, easily ten years older than himself, chuckled. The other three men stared at Sam lecherously.

Jack's grip on his tankard tightened. He had to remind himself that this was the plan. This was the plan and it was going swimmingly.

She continued to lean against the young man and used her other hand to trace meaningless shapes across her own neck and upper chest, as well as run her fingers through her hair. Her movements were slow and damn seductive. She was watching Netan with a less than subtle, half lidded gaze; which he was sure was her plan.

It didn't take very long at all for Netan to become distracted from his card game, looking up at Sam every few seconds. She gave him small smiles, licked her lips, or made other subtle movements. Sam only looked away from Netan when Netan looked at her.

After Netan had lost three hands miserably, Sam stood up straight, and circled the table, dragging her fingers across the shoulders and necks of each of the men she passed behind. She left the table and headed to the bar, leaning against it; not looking back at Netan.

Jack watched Netan. He kept looking behind him at Sam at the bar. After a minute, or so, he stood and followed her. He leaned against the bar, looking at her, facing away from Jack. She ignored him for about ten seconds. Finally she turned to him with a smoldering look. "Hello."

"Hello," he responded. "My name is Netan."

"Samantha," she said.

"That's an interesting name," he said.

She shrugged lazily. "I suppose, depending on where you're from."

"Where are you from?" he asked.

"Here and there."

Netan released a small chuckle. "Mysterious, aren't you?"

"I just don't think that everyone needs to know everyone else's business. If two people just meet and spend some time together, there's no reason that to exchange their life stories. Especially if they're going to be in a brief mutually beneficial relationship."

Jack just about choked on his own saliva. He took a swig of the local beer in front of him so he would remain inconspicuous.

"You're interested in a . . . brief mutually beneficial relationship?" Netan asked.

Sam made a little bit of a show of looking Netan up and down. "I haven't found such an attractive candidate in a long while."

"Let's go upstairs then."

Sam turned her face away for a second. Jack knew she hadn't expected that and she was trying to recover. She turned back to him. "It's a little crowded here. I've got a cargo ship near the side of town. Let's go there."

"Like your privacy?" he asked.

She smirked. "I just don't think our . . . Brief mutually beneficial relationship is anyone else's business."

"I'd have to agree."

"Shall we go then?"

"Lead the way."

Jack watched Sam turn away from Netan and head towards the door and Netan followed her immediately. Jack sat still for a few moments and smiled to himself. Sam could do anything; absolutely anything.

- . -

They were half way to the cargo vessel. She just had to keep him going. She held his hand in hers, holding it close to her hip, as she led him on. She kept sneaking her gaze at him to shoot him what she hoped were sexy glances.

All of the sudden he stopped and released her hand. Her posture went rigid with fear, but she forced it to appear relax and she turned slowly. Sam slung her other arm up around his neck. "What's the matter?" she asked in the husky voice she'd been using.

"How did you say you had a cargo vessel?" he asked.

She could hear the suspicion in his voice. "Let's just say I borrowed it from my father."

"Your father?" he repeated. "Papa's not gonna come lookin' for his little girl, is he?"

She was losing him, she knew. "Oh, he won't come looking for me for days."

Netan frowned. "Let's be sure of that." He grabbed her upper arm and started in the other direction.

She didn't move. "No, really," she stuttered. "We should go to my ship."

His grip on her arm tightened. He pulled her close to him and stared down at her. "No, we're going to mine." With a sharp tug, he started to pull her along.

"JACK!" she screamed, she didn't know what else to do.

"Who are you screaming for?" Netan turned and backhanded her across the face, sending her to the ground.

Before she could react enough to pick herself up, she saw a large dark shape tackle Netan. When she regained her senses, she saw Teal'c hauling Netan to his feet and heading towards the cargo vessel.

She looked up, Jack was in front of her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her upright. "Are you okay?" he asked.

When she didn't answer right away, he brought her gaze to his with a somewhat rough hand to her chin. She was used to a gentler touch from him. "I'm fine," she said.

"Let's go before we start attracting attention."

She nodded, wiped her eyes, and hurried along with Jack after Teal'c.

Teal'c must've been dragging Netan very quickly because by the time they got back to the cargo vessel, Major Jackson and Teal'c had Netan hand cuffed and were attaching the cuffs on his wrists to the ones on his ankles.

Major Jackson looked up when they entered the ship. "Carter, are you alright?" he asked.

She nodded. "I'm fine."

"Alright, let's get out of here." He turned away from them. "Teal'c, take the helm. Let's go."

"Sir, I'm gonna make sure . . ." Jack motioned towards Sam.

Major Jackson nodded and Jack gently took Sam's arm and led her into the cargo area. She sat down and he grabbed the medkit. He sat down on a pack, so her knees were in between his. He ran his thumb over her cheek. She flinched, she knew she must be bruising.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

She nodded. "I'm sorry," she muttered.

"Sorry?" he repeated. "For what?"

"I screwed up the plan."

He watched her for a minute, she knew he didn't know what to say. Instead, he leaned forward, kissed her cheek and held her tight. It was his 'I love you' kiss. He rested his chin on top of her head and rubbed her back a little. "You did great. Never been so jealous in my life."

She smirked into his neck. "I did okay?"

He leaned back and smiled. "You blew 'em away."

- . - FIN - . -


End file.
